Merry Christmas

Christmas is my favorite time of year. Celebrating the birth of our Savior, spending time with family, finding the perfect gifts. I love decorating and lights and Christmas music. It's my favorite time. I have the tree up as soon as Thanksgiving is over and don't take it down until the end of January at the earliest. Unfortunately the emotional wear of the past 4 1\2 years takes its toll, especially at Christmas. It's a family oriented holiday and all of the kids in commercials takes its toll at times. Its hard not to wish for what you don't have t, to hope that the end of waiting is near. It's a time when people choose to announce their coming blessings, and though you are immensely happy for them, it's a reminder of what you don't have. So, we try to do things to help cover the hole in our hearts. We start our own traditions. We help others in need. We live vicariously through friends and their children. It would be easy to curl up and hibernate. To try to hide through the season. But I've learned a lot through the last few years. So tonight I choose to be grateful. Grateful for the wait. Grateful for time with family. Grateful for a husband who loves me. And most of all I am beyond grateful for a Savior who chose a humble birth in a manger. A Savior who chose to come as as babe, to ultimately save us from a sinful life. And I am grateful that in those uncertain moments when I'm tired and unsure if I can go on, I have a Savior who gives me the grace and strength to go on one more day. Happy birthday Jesus. Thank you for choosing a humble birth to give us the greatest gift.

Amazon fund raising!

<a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/?_encoding=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&force-full-site=1&linkCode=ur2&tag=httpjimmyanda-20">Name Your Link</a><img src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=httpjimmyanda-20&l=ur2&o=1" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important;" />

Just a reminder! Using the above link will help us adopt! Amazon gives us an advertising fee that we put in our adoption account. As you shop for Christmas please consider using the link. Your gift will double its blessings!

Pure and Undefiled Religion

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27 NIV I've always loved this verse, but over the past 4 years this verse has taken new meaning. Unfortunately that is not necessairily a good thing. My heart has become so open to the "plight of the orphan", but this verse became my personal chip on the shoulder. I can tell you the night it happened. I was sitting next to someone on the couch and talking about where we were in the adoption process, when the person next to me chimed in and said "I wouldn't raise somebody elses kid. You never know what 'problems' they will have." My blood went from cool to boiling in 2 seconds flat. I bit my tongue (which for those of you who know me, know that is terribly hard for me), but I managed to keep quiet. The longer I went the more I steamed. Eventually I told my husband " They say they are such good Christians and better than everyone, well maybe they need to reread their Bible again, because my Bible says.........." Yeah I know judgemental and not very Christlike. But, needless to say, this became my chip on the shoulder verse, the verse that I quoted whenever I was challenged, or someone voiced an unwanted opinion, or was questioned. If I felt judged this was my verse. Let's face it, though I have always wanted to adopt, I am not fully adopting out of a pure and unadultarated unselfishness. I am purely selfish. I want a child, I want to be a parent. We are not adopting a child out of foster care or an orphanage, but an infant. As much as my heart is drawn to older children, we are not at the point that we want to adopt an older child. I want to stay home to be able to bond and adjust and I can't now. And since we have no other children, we aren't wanting to skip past the infancy stage. I've really been looking at how I view this verse and what it really means. Using it for what it should do, not for what I want it to say. Truthfully, not everyone is called to adopt, adoption is a long and hard process and isn't for everyone. And while we are waiting, while we wait for our turn to become parents, there are other things we can do. So with this being National Adoption Awareness Month, and Sunday being Orphan Sunday I've been thinking of ways to reach out to the orphan. And though this post will focus on that end of the verse, we can't forget the other end. Taking care of the elderly and widowed. We may not live in Biblical times where no matter their age they had no hope if widowed to earn money, there are still many people out there who are trying to make it on limited budgets with little help, and there are things that lets just face it are better done by men. So here is the list I've come up with in my head for helping the orphan or those adopting: 1) The birth parent: If you know a birth parent or someone considering choosing an adoption plan: a) PRAY for them Above all else, pray for stregnth, courage, and wisdom to make the right plan whether that is choosing adoption or choosing to parent. b) Offer ENCOURAGEMENT not condemnation. They choose the path that they think is the best offer for their child. Find a way to show some love and encouragement for their decision. Listen when they need to talk. 2)Children: Foster care, orphans, etc. a)ADOPT This is not for everyone, but so many people think and talk about it without ever carrying through. Let me give you a scary fact: If only 7% of all Christians adopted 1 child there would not be an orphan crisis. 7 % of all Evangelical Christians. That's not a big number, and the Bible is clear on God's heart for the orphan. We are all adopted. b) GIVE Every year places look for sponsors to sponsor children overseas. If you are comfortable (and I'd say if you can find one where the majority of your money goes to a child), there is alays that. There are ministries such as Operation Christmas Child that send gifts to children all over the world, including orphanages. DHS looks for sponsors for Christmas to help give gifts from a wish list. Now, let me go on and address something that I know you're thinking, because I have both thought it and hearn others say it. On those wish lists you will see things like an xbox and expensive shoes. People interpret that as greedy, especially if your own kids don't have those things. People feel like the children shouldn't ask for those things. Let's face it: Kids will be kids. They ask for what their friends ask for. They want the things that will make them cool with their peers. That doesn't mean you have to buy it, because just like your kids, they are grateful for anything, but don't fault them for asking for what their peers ask for. They may not fully understand that they are asking to much. Do what you can. As my husband says "Ern is better than Nern." c) VOLUNTEER Mentor, babysit for a foster family (if it is allowed), Tutor, Volunteer for adoption fundraisers and rally's that are hosted by agencies to help raise funds. 3) Adoptive Parents: Maybe you don't feel the call to adopt. It's not for everyone. But there are other ways to show love and to support the adoption process. a) PRAY, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY This I can not emphasize enough. The adoption process is long and hard. It's tempting at times to give up and walk away. Your emotions become battered and bruised and sometimes the paperwork and the wait seems like it will never end. Sometimes there is NO light at the end of the tunnel. Pray for stregnth, wisdom, endurance and perseverance, and kindness and empathy to be gracious to those that we come into contact with. If the AP's are not able to bear biological children pray for stregnth during the wait, to deal with insensitive comments, to deal with massive dissappointments, to endure the wait while watching others get their blessings. b) ENCOURAGEMENT Find a way to love on waiting Prospective Adoptive Parents. One of our greatest blessings was people showing up to help us clean for the homestudy. That is a major stress and even though they tell you your house doesn't have to be spotless, you feel like it must be PERFECT! Go eat a meal and LISTEN without judging. It's human nature to want to fix things and sometimes you can get tired of hearing it, I get that. But I know one of my greatest needs is someone who will listen and understand. You don't have to have walked in my shoes, but just be understanding without judging that it is hard. Don't give platitudes, or tell me how I should feel or what should or shouldn't hurt. It does, acknowledge, listen, and encourage. c) GIVE Yeah, you're probably tired of hearing that word. Adopting is financially hard, donate money doesn't matter how much. Help do a fundraiser. Some people hate to sell or ask for money, maybe you are good at it, host a fundraiser and help raise funds. You don't have to have tons of money, we've had little things paid for and that helps. I just got an offer of someone helping to sell things (after 3 years), which is awesome because I HATE, ABSOLUTELY ABHOR, selling. An offer to host a fundraiser is an awesome idea to me. d) SPREAD THE WORD Another fact for you: 85% of all adoptions happen because somebody knows someone. You never know when someone might be considering adoption, but if you hear of someone, then speak up and tell them you know someone who wants to adopt. Mention it even when you aren't sure. I've had a friend hear things in the middle of Walmart and speak up about us. You never know when you might say something which will click with someone. So Share, share, share, share. So far every call and inquiry we have had came from friends. I am sure there are so many more ideas, but these are the ones on my mind. It's not meant as judgement, just the thoughts floating in my mind. I'm thinking that maybe while we wait we need to find otherways to become involved in the adoption/foster care ministry. If you know other ways, please add them. May we all find a way to reach out to those who are less fortunate.

the last few weeks

These past few weeks have been CRAZY!!!! The end of the year is always a little nutty at school. Trying to get every thing cleaned, inventoried, and ready to go for next year requires some extra hours and a lot of hard work. Compiled onto that, we also were heading on vacation to visit Jimmy's family in Baltimore the day after school got out. Also, to add onto that I got sick and had to miss work, we were in the middle of our update for the adoption, and school testing was wide open. I got the paperwork sent off, recovered, finished up myh part of testing, and was staying late to inventory and clean my room. Well, I called the agency to schedule an appointment to get together and go over our stuff before we went out of town, only to find out it had to be at our house. And because it had to be before we went out of town so she would have enough time to write the report, it had to be in 6 days! Yes, we went from crazy to absolute insanity in about 5 minutes. Needless to say, I called the calvary and my mom came and helped us get the house ready. Jimmy and I cleaned all weekend with her help on Saturday. Thankfully we got everything finished, and the homevisit went well. We spent the past 10 days in Baltimore with Jimmy's family. It was great we haven't seen some of them since we got married in 2008. We spent one day in Richmond, a day in Lancaster, and a few days around Baltimore. We went to an Oriole's game, saw the inner harbor, toured some historic ships, ate some fantastic food, and toured Fort McHenry. The best thing though was catching up with the cousins and playing with their babies. I got some sweet baby kisses and had lots of fun. I also got to see three new states, which put my state count to about 18. My goal is to see all 50 states. Now we are home and fixing to fly through getting things ready for a garage sale to help raise adoption funds. We will be having it really soon, so I'm going to have to fly and get ready. It seems like for now I'm destined for a busy life. Wouldn't have it any other way!

Amazon Affiliates

I have been researching fundraising ideas and way. A couple of months ago, I discovered the Amazon Affiliate Program, and after much prayer and time of researching decided to become an Amazon Affiliate. What this basically means is that if you click through the link before making your purchases on Amazon we are paid an advertising fee that will be placed within our adoption account. Do you ever download eBooks or movies? Do you buy books, toys, clothes, or electronics? Use Amazon for everyday purchases? Please consider using the link jimmy and ashley adoption Thank you for helping us bring home baby Salina and please share this link with your family and friends.

Worn

I am worn out, physically and mentally completely exhausted. We are currently at 7 months and 4 days of our "official" waiting, but something a lot of people don't seem to realize is though this is what the adoption agency considers as waiting, there is so much more to it. Here is a rough timeline of our story- May 2009 Started trying
                May 2010 Diagnosed with infertility
                July 2010 First met with specialist
                                  Really began researching and calling agencies
                July 2011 Met With RE
                July 2011 Filed first paperwork with Agency
                October 2011 First meeting at the Agency
                December 2011 Filed formal application
                January 2012 First meeting with adoption worker
                March 2012 2nd meeting with the adoption worker
                April 2012 Home visit
                June 2012 2nd training with agency
                                 Finally Approved!
                July 2012 Transracial adoption training
                                   Adoption worker retired
                September 2012 Met new adoption worker

We are approaching four years now and now that it is looming it's really taking toll on us. We have watched others get pregnant and have children two and three times. Seen those who get "suprises" while we are still waiting on "planned". Been given advice that is meant to be helpful that just hurts instead. Sometimes it's because people don't know our story, other times because people don't think, and not meaning this rude, but some is just a lack of education. Relaxing and not trying doesn't get you pregnant. We technically stopped "trying" almost 3 years ago when the infertility was diagnosed and we virtually gave up hope of a biological child. When I say trying I mean not using contraceptives.

The wait has become tedious. There is no peace, and patience when you want something this bad is so difficult. It is so hard to watch others, to be flooded with pictures and posts on facebook, see people complain about pregnancy or no sleep, when I'd literally give my right arm for it. And I'm right handed so that says a lot. It becomes hard to repeat over and over. We hear nothing from the agency for the most part. Well, no we hear nothing unless we call. And why I know they don't call everytime your profile is shown because they don't want to get your hopes up or hurt us from rejection hearing nothing is extremely hard. You don't know why you aren't being chosen, if you need to change profile books, or what is going on.

Don't get me wrong, it'll be worth it and you know that in everything there is a reason, but sometimes convincing your heart what your head knows is almost impossible. Someone said the other day that it's not our time and God knows our time. My response was that God and I aren't in agreement right now. And I don't mean that irreverantly, but that in my humanity I don't get it right now. It's not fair. It hurts. It's hard. I'm worn. I'm emotionally drained.

Not being ugly, but it's something you don't understand unless you have been there. And thank God for friends who get it. Friends that are there when I go and say I can't take it. I'm worn out. If I have to hear one more platitude...... If I have to hear one more person complain of their pregnancy...

Sometimes you feel like your prayers aren't getting past the ceiling. I have to remind myself that God's heart breaks when He watches us struggle, but just as one day I'll have to let my child hurt to learn sometimes I must to hurt to learn the lessons that are there for me.

I'm tagging the song that I titled this after. They wrote it about physical exhausted, but it's so much more. I feel dead inside. I feel empty. This week I have woken up tired every day. I am weak. I need to see redemption. It seems never ending at this point.

Oh and before I end, we did call the agency this week. Well Jimmy did. I called last time and ended up upset so he did it this time. We were told there are very few birth parents right now. And we know there are many waiting because we began with a large group. They understand the wait is long, or rather they say they do. You don't truly understand till you have begged and pleaded with God to end a seemingly endless wait for something that feels as if it should be a right that is seemingly easy to so many people. To give up hope, and yet try to cling to it at the same time. To endure the body racking sobs while you physically can feel your heart breaks.

I say none of this to offend those who offer platitudes or to even seem to be complaining. But to explain what it is like to be on the other side of the fence. To ask for prayers because the wait is tedious, because we are weak and human. In our humanity, we struggle and sometimes it's all I have to claim to the promise of Isaiah 40 "But those who wait upon the Lord sgakk renew their stregnth, They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary. They shall walk and not faint".

This week I need that renewal.

http://youtu.be/UUEy8nZvpdM