This year has the potential to be and already has been the year of really big changes and steps of faith.
First, I quit my job without having even having an interview. Big, big step for us. We knew that I needed a different environment. Then nothing was coming open and we were getting worried we knew it was a huge step of faith but we both felt like God was telling us to trust him. Finally two weeks before school started I got 3 interviews one of which I cancelled because I got the job that I wanted. I'm teaching a science lab that is a lot less stress. I don't have to bring home as much work which is what we were looking for. I was working till 5 and coming home and working till bed. Now when I'm home I'm home which means I can be a better wife and mom. Yes, it got scary knowing that the adoption agency would put us on hold if I didn't have a job when school started but God was faithful. And this job is in a town where we have a friend who will babysit so I don't have to use daycare.
We've taken some other big steps this year as well. We have no idea where the finances are coming for the adoption but we are trusting they will come. We've been awarded one grant so far.
Our lease was up but our landlords decided to wait a year to try to sell the house so we get to stay where we love.
And the agency said approximately 6-12 months of wait time which will be the best change ever.
Now if you know me you know how independent and planned I am. My life was planned for 10 years by 15. It doesn't have to go according to plan I just like to have my plan so therefore stepping out in faith making all these changes wasn't easy for me.
Add to that that adoption is not for the weak at heart. There are ups and downs, struggles, heartaches, hopes and triumphs. It is literally an emotional roller coaster. And when you are watching people with what you want most it is difficult. The past month has been especially hard. Then all of sudden things happen that feel like little kisses from heaven. Those little reminders that come when you need them the most that God hasn't forgotten you and that you are loved. We got those this weekend. My sister-in-law found this gorgeous bed online from someone for free. I'm going to have to sand and repaint it but that is ok. It is beautiful. My mom and I went shopping and I desperately needed pants thought I would get 2 pair maybe 3 if they were on sale got 4 instead. And then while looking at stencils in Hobby Lobby I met this girl who was able to tell me what I needed to paint on canvas and use as a primer and as we were talking about our projects she asked what I was doing and I said baby room but gender neutral. She was like oh they don't know so I shared our story and said an occasional project helps to taper off my need for nesting and hold it at bay. She finds me this awesome jungle stencil which I will go back and get if we get a boy. And her excitement for me a complete stranger rubbed off. Add to that that I can see some definite changes to my moms thinking and she is getting excited that we might be a different looking family as she put it and yes I definitely feel loved and remembered. It felt like a special kiss from God saying you aren't forgotten and I still love you.
