More Waiting

The lack of posts recently show what we are really doing, lots and lots of waiting. We had some set backs when we realized paperwork didn't get sent in, but that has been covered and even though our time period is longer at least it is done. And more waiting ensued. We now have our individual interviews set up for the end of this week. Jimmy goes on Thursday and I go on Friday. Really nervous about this. Especially since he won't be with me. Nervous that I'll say the wrong thing, or contradict him on something. Which is really preposterous if you know how much we talk about what we want and how we want it. One thing we usually cover well is communication. In fact, we were asked out to dinner by his sister...their treat... and when he said he had to discuss it she about fell out! Discuss a free meal? Really? It was funny.
   It's hard to explain though when you've never been there. Anyone who says adoption is easier than having your own child or tells a couple who can't have kids they should just adopt has obviously never been there or known someone who has. You have pregnancy symptoms of your own. They just aren't as easily recognizable to outsiders. And as my mother has said many times... "Until you know someone who has been there, someone close to you, you just don't get it." I thought I did, but now I know I didn't.
    Jimmy and I have been going through some struggles and it's like he said "There are two things it seems God is trying to teach us... Patience and Dependence."
          Patience- when your very dreams are held in someone elses hands and timeline, when the very thing you dream of is held in someone else's hand and they give you the requirements of you fufilling your dream, when you are watching everyone else get the one thing you long for the most some of them as a suprise and yet you are being delayed for various reasons....there is no choice but to develop patience.
         Dependence- I am looking at a career change. It may be an outright change or just a change in schools but either may come with a drastic change in pay. And we know that with that will come dependence on God to meet our needs, which He is apparently testing now before it happens and perhaps testing our faith to see if we will take the step in faith and obedience, but in my heart I feel that to be a better wife and mother I need a job with a lot less stress. So for now I am job hunting albeit slowly and praying for God's will to be revealed. I ran across a job almost by accident the other day and am really praying that something comes of it. It combines two loves in my life and would be a drastic stress reduction and I am really praying that it comes about... although I am currently still contracted. However I have just under 8 weeks left, so maybe.....

   It's interesting how when you are so sure God has called you to something, and you take that step that He then chooses to test your willingness and trust to take that step of faith.

    So for now we wait and we trust. And I dream of all the baby stuff I want..... one day. One day at a time.